Where We Are This Week

Joe Biden forgets he wants to be president, woke kindergarten, Haley gets embarrassed and three hours at a fabric store.

I was on the phone with my sister earlier this week. She told me that she and my mom were at the fabric store; she said that they’d been there for a while already but were about to leave. I replied, “That sounds miserable.”

I’m not entirely sure if they’d agree to my revealing what they get up to for three hours on a weekday, but you know, since I’ve modeled myself as a quasi-journalist these days, it’s all up for grabs.

An hour or so later, I talked to my dad. He told me that my mom and sister were just now leaving the store. It was 1:30 and they had arrived around 10:00. It makes you wonder how different the breakfast program is from the lunch menu at the fabric store.

I told my dad how awful that sounded and he agreed with fervor but then commented about how nice it was that they had that in common, and enjoyed doing it together. It was a sweet observation; one that he instantly canceled out when I jokingly suggested we ought to find something we have a common interest in and his reply was ‘fast cars and loose women.’

My original point to these few paragraphs was going to be that you don’t have to understand everything your friends and family do, but that passion and love are admirable traits when applied to almost anything. I’ve decided against that, however.

My new point is that we all do weird, specific things and it’s best to find someone who wants to do them with you. For instance, I’m going shopping for a Ford Mustang with my pops next week.

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None of These Candidates

If 2024 promises anything, my friends, it’s a few laughs. Sure, there will likely be plenty of despair, but, then again - who hasn’t cracked a joke at a funeral?

Tuesday, Nevada held its GOP primary/caucus. Nevada, for reasons unknown, has decided that it will hold a primary and a caucus. Traditionally, they’ve always held caucuses, but in 2021, the state passed a law that would see it switch to a strict primary system.

The state Republican party wasn’t happy with that ruling and rejected it altogether, redoubling their commitment to the caucus. But for some reason, the state still forged ahead with its primary vote. Thus, you had these competing balloting processes occurring simultaneously voting for the exact same thing; with one big difference.

The caucus is the only one that counts. Winning the Nevada GOP caucus wins you all of the state’s delegates that will nominate you at the Republican convention in a few months’ time. Not only that but if a candidate appears on the primary ballot, then he/she will not be eligible to appear in the caucus. At this point, I have no idea why the state even holds the primary but they do, and Nikki Haley was on it.

Haley, who spent no time campaigning in Nevada - presumably knowing that those desert-dwelling degenerates are locked in for the Mar-a-Lago Marauder (I’m doing my own nicknames now) - but apparently didn’t want to miss out on all the fun. In some inexplicable attempt to save face, she was running virtually unopposed on the primary ticket while Trump was expected to sweep the caucus vote.

In a shocking twist, however, Haley was dominated by a surprise entrance in the meaningless - remember? - Nevada primary. At the time of writing, Haley has lost to this promising upstart by over thirty points. Who, might you ask, prevailed in the hearts and minds and ballot boxes of Nevada Republicans? ‘None of These Candidates.’

Laugh break.

Haley, the only opponent of Trump’s left in the race, lost overwhelmingly to the ‘None of the Above’ multiple choice answer. I realize that most of those votes were probably from beleaguered, dehydrated dullards who schlepped across the Mojave desert to cast their ballot for The Apprentice guy only to be confounded that he wasn’t on the ticket - but still! That’s how much Americans want to see Nikki Haley lose.

Fortunately, for Haley, she likes losing almost as much as she likes Raytheon.

Yet, the joke isn’t on her. It’s on us; it’s always on us. Remember the first time you paid attention to the electoral process and realized that it was a scam? How would you like it if you had to have the same realization every election cycle? If you were to imagine a republican process for nominating and electing presidents, would it look anything like the contrived system we have today? Before you assume a tone of humility and self-effacement, let me remind you that Nevadans don’t have a clue what’s going on in their own election.

Joe Biden and the Democrat party have done everything they can to tip the scales in his direction, wary of a primary challenge that, disappointingly, hasn’t really materialized. Donald Trump refused to debate his competition and urged RNC chair, Ronna McDaniel to dispense with the scheduled events with the rest of the candidates entirely. However, Americans are climbing over each other to hand these dinosaurs the nomination.

At first I was surprised that the only candidate left in the GOP race to contend with Trump was someone who voters so clearly despise. Then, I remembered that Hillary Clinton was this close to actually winning the presidency in 2016.

But don’t succumb to despair prematurely, fellow Americans. There’s a new name in town. One that I’m sure can lead us back into times of peace and prosperity. One that has the interests of every American in mind. A leader dripping with charm, finesse, and grace. Won’t you join me in supporting this hero? None of These Candidates, 2024!

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Robber Barons of Woke

Malcolm X once said that the greatest enemy to the black American cause was the progressive, white liberal. In that quote, he went on to define what he meant by ‘white liberal.’ He said that the white liberal isn’t concerned with independence or the moral betterment of society, but that they were playing the same power games as the rest of the body politick with the exception that they were enthusiastically using the plight of the black American as a political football.

I don’t find myself agreeing with Malcolm X, a radicalized, former member of the Nation of Islam, too often but it’s hard not to take his point in this regard. Politics, both of the left and the right, are largely self-serving. Find me a poor politician or an activist with no aim of having a viral TikTok account, and I’ll amend my opinion.

I feel like there used to be a sort of criminal code they used to abide by. Every claim of self-sacrifice and humble service came with a wink and a nod so that we’d be in on the game, too. After all, who didn’t want to see Barack Obama become Martha’s Vineyard-dwelling, Hollywood movie producer? Long gone are the days of the wink and nod, however. Largely, it seems that Americans have lost their skepticism when any self-purported ‘man of the people’ should be held at arm’s length.

Do we all remember when Steve Bannon stole hundreds of thousands of dollars donated to his non-profit that declared it would be building a border wall? Trump pardoned him of that crime in his last days in office. Or when, the Marxist founder of the organization Black Lives Matter bought a few mansions with the money she’d extorted from private citizens and corporations alike?

It’s at least a little tolerable when we’re talking about adults, here. P.T. Barnum said that there’s a new sucker born every minute, and who are we to deprive said sucker of getting their kicks? Sure, it’s all fun and games until they go after children.

According to the San Francisco Chronicle, a Bay Area elementary school spent $250,000 of federal money on an organization called ‘Woke Kindergarten’ in hopes of implementing new teaching methods into their schools. ‘Woke Kindergarten’ is perhaps the most absurd pedagogical enterprise I’ve encountered since America lost its mind in 2020.

On their website, they describe their mission as “supporting children, families, educators and organizations in their commitment to abolitionist early education and pro-black and queer and trans liberation.” One second while I sign up my 1.5-year-old. The site is a cesspool of terrible, half-baked Marxist musings and post-modernist drivel; some of the highlights come from a section called ‘woke wonderings’ where they pose “unconventional questions rooted in liberatory thought.” It’s worth considering that some groups really aren’t worth liberating.

Questions like: if we abolished the police, how else might we keep the people of the world safe? or, if we eradicated borders, how might we build our communities to include and support our neighbors from all over the world? or, my personal favorite, if the US defunded the Israeli military, how could we use the money to rebuild Palestine? $250,000! A bargain at any price, surely.

The organization ruminates on abolishing money and that might benefit the global citizenry, yet, is conspicuously a ‘for-profit’ venture. If only they could put their utopian barter and gift system where their mouth is.

The San Francisco Chronicle reports that “the sessions are funded through a federal program meant to help the country’s lowest-performing schools boost student achievement.” The school in question already had students who were performing poorly and then were subjected to that nonsense. Who can guess how it went from there?

Only two years into the three-year contract, test scores hit new profound lows. Less than 12% of students are proficient in English, and less than 4% are proficient in math. Two-thirds of the students are English learners and 80% are Latino. These ‘abolitionist’ teachings are harming the very students they claim to be representing.

X was right, but the terms have just expanded. The marginalized of society, according to their world belief, are any non-white or non-white adjacent communities (some Asians, Jews, and Africans all qualify as white adjacent) and the oppressors are anyone who upholds the values and morals of the West.

Children are not political pawns; they’re not entered into public education in good faith so that they can be indoctrinated by perverse world views. They’re not part of this game theory, and they’re certainly not playthings for anti-colonial, anti-western fantasies. To paraphrase Pink Floyd, “Hey, teacher! Leave those kids alone.”

The article doesn’t mention what the school system’s plans are for their curriculum going into year three of their contract with “Woke Kindergarten” or what comes next.

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President Who?

Breaking news: Joe Biden’s re-election bid is careening headfirst into the ground.

You may recall a time last year when virtually every major politician of the last few years had a classified document scandal. Donald Trump has already had his card pulled and will potentially face a jury later this year.

It’s now time for Joe Biden’s classified documents chickens to come home to roost.

The 345-page dossier assembled by Special Counsel Robert Hur, who was appointed by Merrick Garland, was made public on Thursday. Though no criminal charges have been borne as a result of the investigation, the President’s reputation ahead of the 2024 election is likely to take a sizable hit.

The report concludes that President Biden willingly ‘retained and disclosed’ classified information to his ghostwriter while he was a private citizen after serving in the Obama administration. “Mr. Biden’s lapses in attention and vigilance demonstrate why former officials should not keep classified information unsecured at home and read them aloud to others,” Hur wrote.

The real bombshell of the report, however, is not Biden’s feckless handling of confidential material, but his mental state during the investigation as described by Hur.

Hur said in the report that he didn’t think prosecutors could pursue a criminal case against Biden over the classified material, in part because there were some innocent explanations for Biden hanging on to the material that jurors might find convincing. “Mr. Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory,” the report said. 

Has anyone told Trump that pleading forgetfulness will get him off of his charges? I didn’t realize there was such a low threshold for guilt when a Special Counsel is considering recommending charges or not.

In all seriousness, though, do we really want an ‘elderly man with a poor memory’ serving as President? Forget 2024 and beyond, I’m talking about right now.

Biden’s memory in his interview with the special counsel’s office was even worse, the report said. He didn’t remember when he was vice president, forgot when his term had ended, or when his son Beau died, it said. Biden also allegedly forgot who his allies had been on Afghanistan policy and mistakenly identified one as an antagonist, the report said. “His memory appeared hazy when describing the Afghanistan debate that was once so important to him,” it added.

These things aren’t particularly revelatory, but it’s notable that these observations are now part of the permanent record of an investigation. Honestly, if a man is elderly and forgetful enough to draw actionable sympathy from a jury, it really should render him unfit to serve as POTUS. And if you thought that was the worst of it, it only gets better. And by that, I mean much worse.

Sensing the dying elephant in the room, President Biden held an emergency ‘it’s all good’ press conference where he proceeded to become irate with journalists - who for the first time in recent memory actually pressed him on an issue - and act appalled at the mental health accusations detailed in the report. Doth do protest too much.

Ice Creams of Grandeur

Whoever’s idea it was for this doddering old man to go in front of the press in an impromptu appearance ought to appear in front of a firing squad immediately. Joe Biden lost his cool immediately doing his patented whisper/yell routine. He also went into a ‘how dare he’ speech where he became indignant at the suggestion that he could forget where Beau died. As proof of his impeccable memory, he offered the rosary he carries that his late son was given at the ‘Our Lady of…’

Either the President refused to divulge the rest of that sentence or the whereabouts of ‘Our Lady’ are locked in a filing cabinet in his mind that he lost the keys to a decade ago. Someone go check his Corvette!

Additionally, he mistakenly said that Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi was the President of Mexico, and went on to talk about Mexico’s border wall with Gaza. I don’t have a joke for this one, it’s exhausting we’ve gotten this far.

The investigation reveals a few things that American voters should take note of ahead of the 2024 election. First, despite certain differences in their actions, only Donald Trump is receiving criminal charges for his mishandling of classified documents - the justice system is obviously weighted disproportionately for different individuals. Second, President Biden’s mental acuity is abysmal and is prohibitive in the way of serving in the Oval Office. Lastly, Joe Biden only has Kamala Harris to thank for the fact that he is still President and the Democratic frontrunner for the 2024 nomination.

If there’s anything American voters perceive as less competent than an 80-something white man with dementia, it’s Kamala Harris.

To a better next week,

Cheers,

~FDA