I Don't Care That You Voted (a poem)

and why 'I voted' stickers are participation trophies for adults

I wrote this four years ago, and it got mixed reviews.

Those who are all too eager to tell you that they cast a ballot like they’re more special than one hundred fifty million other Americans who managed to do it while keeping their mouths shut didn’t care for it. Some buddies of mine liked it, though.

It’s not a very good poem, I think, but it’s fun and topical and true. Happy election, happy voting! See you all on the other side.

I don’t care that you voted
I don’t care that you drove to a café for a latté
And while the milk was steaming you managed,
In your tête-à-tête with the barista
To say that you were casting a ballot today

I don’t care about your sticker that you placed
On your sweater for your photo op
Or maybe, you just held it next to your face indicating
It was you, in fact, who had just completed
The most meritorious act of all November
Or October? Did you know about early voting?

I don’t care if you’re a repository
Replete with counsel on how to register and where to go
So you, too, you fledgling republican
Can join the ranks of an exemplary citizenry

I don’t care who you voted for or how you toiled
Long and hard over your adjudication
Or how fervently you thumbed the button
For the candidate who best represented you, the electorate

I don’t care that your hat now hangs
On your moral superiority and you’re knee deep
In your rising tide of chads
I don’t care which way the current takes you
I don’t care that you voted