Here Comes Another One

I turned thirty in late December. I feel like I spent my twenties bouncing in between my own - or perhaps Dostoevsky’s - existentialism and my own absurdism - I’ll refrain from describing it as Kafkaesque. While I’m likely no closer to settling between the goalposts I’m becoming more comfortable holding the two contradictory concepts in the same mind.

Joan Didion, who passed away days after I wrote this poem, said “We tell ourselves stories in order to live.” And, I think that’s true. We tell ourselves stories surrounding the decisions we make and the values we hold dear so that we may live with conviction and confidence. So, with that in mind, here’s to another year of storytelling. Let’s hope that they’re true.

Happy New Year

FA

Here comes another one
As if next year will be better
As if I'd allow it to be worse
As if there's still magic in the morning
As if there's still romance on the moon
As if the television will be more entertaining
As if the big one is still years off
Another one
As if Lou Reed's lullaby was ringing in my ear
As if I'll stop rolling my ankle
As if I'm finally getting called up to the majors
As if I'll eat the bananas before they brown
As if I'll button my collar and keep my face clean
As if it's afternoon and I'm still out to lunch
Another one
As if the clocks are melting and why shouldn't they be
As if I'll ever know what Rodin was thinking
As if Pynchon's paranoia and Joan's intellect were my own
As if coffee and alcohol only belonged to the artists
As if David Bowie were still alive
Another one
As if this golden thread I'm pulling will knit me a sweater
As if the veil will slip and I'll be satisfied with a glimpse
As if me and my trunks'll ever stop wrestling
As if God's paying attention
As if my first chance at eternity lies in my wife's belly
Another one
As if there's never been one before
As if what we'll build will ever be torn down
As if I'll reflect the everlasting light that sleeps beside me
As if enough joy can eclipse suffering
As if it works that way
As if I'll get to count the tallies
Another one
As if I'll keep debating my younger self
As if I'll keep winning
As if he's dumber than I ever could be
As if I know what I'm talking about
As if any of us do