Fractions: An Apple A Day
Vice Presidents Unite!
÷ Debate Night in America
Tuesday night is debate night and, boy, are we in for a doozy.
Kamala Harris and Donald Trump have agreed to the terms — mute mics, no live audience, no assassination attempts, and limitless smoke breaks.
Let’s make it a game; the first time Kamala Harris says, ‘Sir, I’m speaking,’ take a drink — and don’t stop drinking until 2024 is over. By the time January of 2025 rolls around, we’ll be all so miserable from the alcohol poisoning that we may have forgotten we even had a presidential election.
Of course, if we wake up to the world’s greatest hangover come inauguration day, it’s probably best to hop right back on the wagon. Or is it off?
÷ The iPhone 16 Plus
On Monday, Apple unveiled its latest iteration of its mildly popular cellphone.
Yes, the iPhone turns 16! You’ve all been thumbing its screen while driving your car, but, now, it’s old enough to get behind the wheel.
Since the turn of the century, technological advances have failed to provide any new insights into the greatest mysteries of life — consciousness, origins of life, etc. — and malaria, a curable disease, still kills about 600,000 people a year, most of them children.
But sure, let’s spend a cool $900 on a new phone that is imperceptibly superior to our last one and complain about it the moment our fat fingers hit send before we meant to.
÷ Dick Cheney Hunts for Harris Victory
You can read the news all you want, you won’t find a better headline than that one, I assure you.
Over the weekend, former Vice President Dick Cheney confirmed he plans on voting for Kamala Harris in November.
This confirms two things.
We can all look forward to bombing the Middle East again!
Someone’s definitely getting shot in a Harris administration.
Food for thought. The iPhone came out in 2007. Let’s say you bought every iPhone from the first to iPhone 16. Also let’s say you payed 900 on average for every phone. “For the last 10 plus years you could spend more than the 900, plus you could even bought some of the in between releases “ but we’re not counting those.
All 16 phones cost you 14,400 dollars. I went to the Nasdaq calculator to see if all those phones were a good investment. It turns out not so much.
If you had invested 14,400 in 2007 in the Nasdaq, today it would be worth 100,561.40 dollars.
Yikes!